05.05.2003 || 02h17

Trust issues, illness and the good ol' US of A

Man, the world is a weird place. I mean, everywhere you look, people are living in debt, passing through their entire time on Earth hand-in-hand with stressors. Finances, taxes, hourly wages and the cost of living. Money ruins people without even thinking twice. It can't; it's inanimate. Inanimate, but still endowed with the power to rip lives to shreds. The West has raped the East for far too long in the secret service of the almighty American Dollar. People hang themselves because they can't get a damned leg up on their debts.

Is it any wonder than you're not a real New Yorker until you've got a designer drug habit or a big-name therapist? Is there any doubt as to why Montr�alers are wondering about where they're going to get their pensions from after the Qu�bec pension fund dries up? Look outside and grab an example from whichever city you llive in. They're splattered everywhere.

I don't think that a life of constant stress is natural. It's always because of money, too. I don't just mean little Jimmy who's to scared to go to school because Big Billy's going to beat him up for his lunch money. I mean the North American lifestyle.

I can't give my all to my girlfriend until there's some hint of permanence to her being here. I won't invite disaster that way. Hell, I don't even trust her 100% She's got too much of a personal culture of secrets going. Secret journals (she once said that she had to read my page to know what was going on with me. These days I don't even have *that* coming from her), a less-than informative way of talking about stuff that always sounds like she's holding back, an inability to tell me when something's *wrong...* Nope. Sorry. I don't mean I'm second-guessing everything she says or anything, I'm just not handing myself over completely. Maybe she's protecting herself too. Yeah, it affects how much of me and my trust she gets. No, I don't really blame her, and no it doesn't mean I don't love her, so shut up.

All I really have is hope and the willingness to help her to my best ability if she decides to try and stay. But we've got some time yet. School's not done.

Speaking of whom, she's feeling better, thank the gods. I've felt pretty damned badly for the poor dear. Whatever it was that I had kicked the shite out of me, and I really hate the fact that I handed it off to her and my roomies.

I just can't wait until she's all better. I really think that the past several months' constant state of stress is taking its toll on our health. I've been sick more often since she's gotten here than I'm generally apt to be, and apparently she's ill more as well.

Maybe we need to take a week-end off from the stress or something, eh?

**********

PS: Apparently Rumsfeld said that now Syria knows what it must do to get in line with the White House's vision of the middle east. Wow hubris. The nice thing about this whole new blatant imperialism thing is that it's just about slapped a best before date on the US as a world power.



||Gods save the Queen,
||cf

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older shite

One last little note... - 09.21.2006

de-stressing, biking and terrorism - 06.06.2006

Mildly stressed... - 05.29.2006

More crime stupidity - 05.28.2006

Scary stuff - 05.25.2006

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