01.15.2002 || 02:10

Top stinkers of 2001

In the spirt of Ed the Sock and the crew at Much's Fromage 2001, here is cf188's list of the most obnoxious or otherwise stankular videos of 2001:

• Eve and Gwen Stefani - Let Me Blow Your Mind: The award for least necessary dud goes to Eve and Gwen. Stefani's self-aggrandising overacting meshes nicely with Eve's lack of musical skill to create one of 2001's worst bombs. Take one measure of lousy music, add one of the most oft-exposed navels in the industry, just add water, and voil�! A vertiable nightmare. No wonder you suddenly couldn't find one of these lassies without the other -- No one else could handle the residual reek from this video stinkbomb.
• Weezer - Hash Pipe: Yeah, whatever. Is it me or do these guys just keep on sliding further and further from the realm of comprehensible imagery? Whatever, this one's yet another in a long line of increasingly irrelevant videos from these dweebs.
• Destiny's Child - Bootyliscious: Ah, yes, the kootie-liscious children are at it again. Bianc�'s right, I can't handle this.
• D12 - Purple Hills: Hasn't anyone told these losers that drug imagery went out with the final disintegration of Jim Morrison's decaying corpse? Strangely, I don't see how throwing a bunch of the most obnoxious American solo rap artists together in one band is going to improve the music scene at all, unless it's just to make it easier to wipe them all out with one grenade. Speaking of fireworks, this video completely failed to ignite any; it was just irritating.
• Christina Aguilera, Lil' Kim, Mya, Pink - lady Marmalade: Ugh. Somebody tell these girls that the song sucked the *first* time 'round. Seriously, this video holds a special place in my heart as being one of the worst decisions ever taken in the hallowed halls and soudproofed offices of the US music industry. Oh, and could someone help hold Christina's face up? The weight of all that makeup's straining the muscles in her neck.
• Jennifer Lopez - Love don't cost a thing: So, if love's free, why doesn't Jen spend all that extra money on singing lessons, dancing classes, and an arse-reduction regimen? Seriously, only in America can you simultaneously be a second-rate actor *and* a third-rate singer without ending up beggin for alms in front of a temple. This video stank so bad I had to leave the room every time it came on.
• Jennifer Lopez - I'm real: Well, at least she's consistent.
• Backstreet Boys - Drowning: Great, another over-earnest, over-acted piece of tripe from the Flatulent Five. I guess It's easy to slide into this kind of self-feeding rut when it guarantees you an almost endless supply of adoring underaged girls. Too bad they always show up at concerts with their parents, eh?
• U2 - Elevation (Tomb Raider Mix): Adding funky special effects to an already overwrought piece of musical shite is *not* going to make it better. If you dress a pig up in fancy clothes, it's still a pig -- and now your fancy clothes are ruined. Hey Bono? Boys? The era's over. Go back home and play with your grandchildren. I also hear that the guys from Aerosmith and the Stones have kept a spot free at their weekly crib game over at the Old Crooner's Retirement Home.
• Britney Spears - I'm a Slave 4 U: Britney takes a page from Sin�ad 'Superflake' O'Connor's book with the title of this one, but whereas Nothing Compares 2 U was a heartfelt yet clumsy attempt to say sad, nice things, this stinker's a sad and clumsy attempt to look independent by getting felt up. Yeah, Brit? 'Modern, independent female' is *not* spelled G-U-T-T-E-R-W-H-O-R-E. sorry, kid.
• Usher - Any: Man, I dare you to *pick* an Usher tune and tell me it doesn't suck. I've got a headache *this* big, and it's got Usher written all over it...

  More as I remember them. Have a special stinker to share? Drop it here.
  
  
  
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