    |
 |
|
2001-06-22 || 12:22 a.m. Drinking with monstre Also, now that I'm running X, I can work on that carbon word processor I started way back when. I'd like a bigger hard drive, though. ********** I got stood up to-day by a girl who *always* stands me up. well, that's not entirely true, but I *would* have been stood up had I not called to make sure she wasn't going to stand me up again. The good news about that is that it gave me a chance to go for a drink with Monstre before her camping trip to-morrow (Gorsh, the life of the leisured, eh? *I* should get laid-off too...). She sounds brave and sure of herself, as she always does. I don't think it's totally true, though. We spoke of her love and his kids, work, and the person who'll be staying at my place for the next little while, and all the stuff we used to talk about, maybe. So much has changed for both of us over the past year or so, but sometimes we're still the same two jerks we used to be, getting in trouble at work or staying out on lunch for *far* too long... sometimes, it's the same things that remind us of one another, like a certain scene in 'The Art of War,' or some half-detected lyric drifting from the window of a passing car. Sometimes I felt like we wwere so invincible. was that dangerous? ********** Sister sent me a cheesy chain-letter to-day. It was full of sentimental crap, but there was one phrase that absolutely delighted me. One of the letter's instructions for a successful life was to 'dance like nobody's looking, and love like it's never going to hurt.' Love like it's never going to hurt. I remember holding one of the world's most special women one night at the end of a fairly long and serious relationship she'd been in (I'll never tell who; I consider it a secret). She told me that it felt like she'd wasted something and I tried to tell her to look back and appreciate the good things that they'd had. Na�ve; that sort of prat shite *never* flies when someone's in pain. People can make colossal mistakes in that situation. many do, and as I walked home afterwards, I felt happy that we hadn't. But I was afraid that she would make the same mistake as I had. I spent a lot of time worrying about her, hoping she wouldn't put herself off from love and become an island. I'm still an island. More so now than I was back then. In the aftermath of my failed relationship, I feel nothing with any fundamentality. I try to live a good life, and I'm doing better all the time, but my feelings are a washed-out monochrome beside the vivid riots that some of the people near me experience and announce. I have vivid feelings about four people and to animals. Everything else is negotiable. But to love like it's never going to hurt... I found that phrase so beautiful. So damned beautiful. ********** |
older
shite One last little note... - 09.21.2006 de-stressing, biking and terrorism - 06.06.2006 Mildly stressed... - 05.29.2006 More crime stupidity - 05.28.2006 Scary stuff - 05.25.2006
|