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2001-01-18 || 5.25p I've got in my pocket... ********** Monstre, thank you for reminding me about the most important thing. You're right. I was very lucky, and I won't forget that. Weird, the way relationships work, isn't it? You find someone who's worth giving up your absolute independence for, and attach yourself to them. Love rears its ugly head, and you are happy for a while. Some are lucky; they stay happy with the same someone for-ever. Some of us aren't so lucky, and we tear ourselves free, bleed, and bury this desolate feeling under the next relationship, or hide behind work and hobbies until we can see the world in a better light again. And just as we become okay with being alone, a someone walks in and the process starts anew. The whole idea of courtly love is a created concept anyway. We don't need it. It only came into the world at the time of the crusades, when minstrels becan to sing about a new kind of love: not that of a warrior for his sword or comrades, but that between a man and a woman. Of course, these minstrels were largely singing to the ladies of castles emptied of lords, as most of the husbands were off being self-righteously slaughtered by the Moors, who (unlike their European foes) could count. The face of European literature changed forever, and I guess the stage was set for woman's status as chattel ultimately begining to crumble. It was good. It got many a mminstrel boy into the high-class skirts of many a lady, it gave us this whole damned love idea, it's what I'd rather never feel. But I love the feeling. It would be easier if my life could be a long string of quims and breasts, legs and bared shoulders, meaningless shags in dark rooms with nameless women who arch their backs the right way and gasp at all the right moves. I am not capable of that. Love always gets in. I have not stood for a night in a long, long time. The vast spread of girls I took home when I was a college student represent a chapter I cannot read again, largely, I guess, because I don't ever want to be that lonely. The way I feel right now is rediculous, but I will let it lie for a while. If I don't start to pick up and move on, I will try to repair things. If she doesn't get better, I will kneel before her. But if this is, in fact the right thing to do, then I will move on and treasure the girl I was once honoured to hold closer than any other ever before. Either way, yesternight's promise is still in effect. No more whinging without cause. |
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shite One last little note... - 09.21.2006 de-stressing, biking and terrorism - 06.06.2006 Mildly stressed... - 05.29.2006 More crime stupidity - 05.28.2006 Scary stuff - 05.25.2006
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