2000-09-28 || 2.12p

What's wrong with cf?

I sometimes feel like I'm dying, like a cloud of melancholy is choking me and stopping my heart. It settles about me and eats at me until all that's left is the lump in my throat. I try to scramble out of it, but I can't. I want to stave it off by standing in the park and shouting 'Happy! Happy!' at the top of my voice, but my voice gets lost somewhere between my heart and my tongue.

I sometimes feel like I'm at the pinnacle of the world, and no-one can tear me down. I could take on anything that comes my way and dodge any sling or arrow.

I don't know why I need to write here. I don't even know most of you, though I adore every one Diarylander I've met. I want to meet the rest. It doesn't even come close to explaining why I put out the effort to update this page every day or so. I don't know, maybe I'm trying to save my life here or something. I know I need saving from something.

I just don't know what.

I have survived the terrors and damages that plagued me as a child. I no longer hear voices or see things in the dark, I have built a life for myself that some my age would envy. I have a lover who I can't stop thinking about, and who drives me to distraction in all the best ways. I have a relationship with my mother and sister that goes above and beyond what most of my friends enjoy with their families, even though all are past that silly adolescent rebellion.

And sometimes I get gripped by depression so bad that I die.



||Gods save the Queen,
||cf

back || forth

older shite

One last little note... - 09.21.2006

de-stressing, biking and terrorism - 06.06.2006

Mildly stressed... - 05.29.2006

More crime stupidity - 05.28.2006

Scary stuff - 05.25.2006

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