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2000-07-14 || 13:53:47 Grandma's timely demise Sister and I had to go, She was on her last legs. When we entered the room, we were taken aback by the wasted person we saw on the bed, quite different from the fairlky robust woman we had known. When we walked out for some air (me) and a cigaret (Sister), she threw herrself into my arms and cried, saying 'I can't hate her, I just can't' I just held her and said that I could hate enough for both of us, for what had been done to us. Later, I sat alone with Grandmaman, I took her hand and whispered that she'd done a good job raising her family, and that she could leave now, secure in the knowledge that we would be okay. Ten minutes later, she was dead. And I'd lied to her for the first time ever. What I'd wanted to say was that I was glad she was dying, that I hated her for creating a paedophiliac rapist out of her youngest son. That the man who'd ravaged an entire generation of our family was the way he was because of the way she'd brough him up. I wanted to tell her that the blood of my shattered innocence was on her hands just as much as it was on his, and that with her passing, there'd be no one left to protect him. At her funeral, there were tears on the faces of those who hadn't yet dealt with the past, and the high-pitched howling of the Uncle in question. Everytime he let out a sob I grinned harder until it finally hurt to smile.
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shite One last little note... - 09.21.2006 de-stressing, biking and terrorism - 06.06.2006 Mildly stressed... - 05.29.2006 More crime stupidity - 05.28.2006 Scary stuff - 05.25.2006
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