2000-06-10 || 18:04:22

Trying to breathe

Hack ! I'm havig trouble breathing to-day...

Last night, O'Donnels was smokier than usual, crowded with a trillion people who knew one another, drawn there by Monstre's resonant request. I was there anyway, Sister and I go ev'ry Friday night. Sister's Boyfriend doesn't say much in crowds. Sister's Ex husband was there with His Girlfriend, as was Lover and one of my workmates.

When Lover, Sister, and Sister's Ex-husband's Girlfriend started chatting, We boyz went away. We've all learned.

I mingled with people I knew, sorta knew, and suddenly knew in a way I hadn't for a while, and it was good. The Swerve were playing up a storm, fed by the energy of the crowd, and they played a song for Sister, the same song as always, the same glow coming across Sister's face at the announcement 'This one's for [Sister]'.

I asked after that damned beautiful waitress, and if she was still off the cigarets. She said 'Five and a half months without a drag and counting,' before checking my nails. Congratulations all around. Lover appeared next to me, of course. There is only one woman who she feels threatened by, and it is that damned beautiful waitress. But not beautiful enough to hold a candle to Lover. No one does. I wish Lover understood that.

The smoke was so intense that I had to leave early. It was hard to breathe. It was painful.

I try to rise up through this fucking lung-disease that's trying to kill me, just enough to make believe I am normal. Not enough to do anything stupid or anything. I just try to pretend for a second that the ugly inhaler in my pocket's not there, and that the lump is just a bunch of keys. That I could swim a few laps without falling into a fit of coughs or a gasping, sometimes futile, attempt to catch my breath.

It is a pretense I never succeed in achieving, and especially not to-day.



||Gods save the Queen,
||cf

back || forth

older shite

One last little note... - 09.21.2006

de-stressing, biking and terrorism - 06.06.2006

Mildly stressed... - 05.29.2006

More crime stupidity - 05.28.2006

Scary stuff - 05.25.2006



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